Summer of loss

I’ve written about grief before. And then again. So here I am once more thinking about how loss and life changes affect my creativity. If you are struggling with loss or feelings of sadness, feel free to give this one a miss if it feels like too much for you to read this. If you need to talk to someone, here are some resources. Please use them if you are struggling.

This summer has been rough. My children are moving on to new life phases. Older kiddo finished college and moved away to start their adult life. Younger kiddo is heading to college out of state. I’m thrilled for them both but it’s been some big changes for our family. We lost our excellent doggo of fifteen years in July. I didn’t get two different grants or a big show I wanted. It’s been a lot.

In the past, I’ve tried to buckle down and brute force continuing to make work and somehow still expecting it to be good. This summer I didn’t even try. I let go of my expectations for writing here on the blog. I let my creativity consist of crochet projects that were flexible. Also, I read easy fiction or I played games on my iPad. I sat on the back porch and watched it rain. It’s rained nearly every day this summer. We’ve never had grass like this in August so climate change is good for something I guess.

The first half of 2026

I came into 2026 full of fire and desire. I wrote a grant and then immediately wrote another. I had the first one done and the second wasn’t much additional work after I’d labored for over a month on the first. I was making new work. It was slow but I was making pieces for specific calls as a way to stretch myself. I finished the Into the Unknown video and released it. I applied to six open calls, which is a personal record. There’s a lot for me to be proud of this year.

So after a push like that, it seems reasonable for me to need a break to do some recovery. And it coincided with the hard things that came this summer. So I’ve been taking a break and feeling my feels and trying to stay present in the moment.

It never works

I want to process my feelings with making things and it never works for me. It feels like it should work that way and it never freaking does. I stay mad about it. Art therapy is a thing, you know Brain. You’d think since I’ve written some semblance of this post now three times I’d be used to it and yet.

So I end up journaling a lot instead. Big scribbles with a black marker to make sure my intensity is obvious. Not that I ever show these journals to anyone. They are just for me, which I guess makes it even easier for me to be really dramatically over the top.

I’d like to be able to say after that sort of journaling I’m able to make art connected to my feelings. That eventually I’m able to process my feelings through art. Still no. I guess I’m going to have to face the fact that I just don’t process things this way.

You take the good, you take the bad

I think in September I’ll do a bit of review of my 2026 goals. Maybe revisiting those things will allow me to refocus on what I want to work on for the rest of the year. The last time I looked at the list I was doing pretty well so maybe one of the things I can say at the end of this year is that I rocked my list even in spite of summer full of grief.

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