Changing my mind

So I guess this is a Part Three following Why I don’t have a Patreon or other paid services and Why I don’t have a Patreon or other paid services, Part 2.

I was recently talking with Mel Mitchell-Jackson on their Persistent Bloom Discord. Our group was discussing ways to get paid as an artist in our present economic hellscape. We were talking about setting up our wares at art fairs and what that entails, using Patreon (I can never use it because I cannot for the life of me consistently spell it), and ko-fi. Which, if you’ve read either of the two articles listed above, you know I’ve had an on again/off again relationship with ko-fi in particular.

Well, baybee, it’s ON AGAIN!!!!

What’s changed?

In that conversation, I said that having the ko-fi button on my page made me feel like a panhandler, but that I didn’t feel that way when other artists had donation buttons or subscriptions services. I want other artists to get paid and I don’t care how that happens for them. Then Mel said:

I froze and had to do a hard reboot to get my brain working again. Because you know what? They are absolutely right.

Rooting out (still more) insecurities

I’ve done so much work on my insecurities about making art. Learning to call myself an artist. Putting my work out there in a variety of ways. Coming to terms with what I make not being mainstream or even in the same zip code as mainstream. I’ve had to work on my self-confidence and my belief in what I do in a variety of ways. But Mel saying to let people pay me unlocked another area where I was hunkered down in a protective crouch around what I do.

If there’s no avenue to pay me then I’m not getting rejected by people not paying me.

(My brain is just out here doing so much extra work.)

I had to sit with that thought for about five minutes before I was like, “This is dumb. Let people do what they want with their money. And if that just happens to be supporting my ability to make more things, then YAY!!”

So I’ve put the “Support Me” button back on the site. It’s floating down in the lower left corner now. Because if people want to drop me $5 or $10 or $20 because they like seeing the things I make with my hands or reading what I write on the blog, as Mel says, I should let them.

Once again, I circle back to “Would I keep doing what I’m doing now even if no one ever saw it?” The answer is still yes. Letting people tell me they like my work with their very encouraging dollars actually becomes easy with that in mind.

Writing it down

I try to be transparent here about what I’m thinking through and working on mentally as an artist, because I want people to learn from whatever part of my story they can, even if that’s deciding to do the exact opposite of what I do because that works better for them. I try to highlight things I wish I’d learned either in school or through on-the-job training. But know that I’m just figuring it out as I go along. Trying things and seeing what works and what doesn’t. And this is me learning and figuring things out.

I felt some kinda way about writing this post. Coming back a third time to change my mind. Again. But that’s the reality of being human. Sometimes we change our minds. Sometimes we do it a lot. It feels harder, though, when I’ve got blog posts where I say something and then have to come back later and say “no, not that.” But maybe that evolution is also good for all of us to see.

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