Working title

In my notes app on my phone I have a list of titles. These are phrases I’ve come across while reading or titles of art pieces I’ve seen while looking at art online. When something strikes a cord in me I jot it down, just in case. I began a few years ago because I was looking at an artist’s work and the titles were so evocative that I started this list because I wanted to remember how they made me feel.

I’ve never used any of the phrases from my list of possible titles to title something I’ve made. Not once.

So why do I keep adding to the list? Because if I’ve been keeping a list for a few years and never used anything from it, how good could it be? What’s it for?

Emotional support lists

I keep all kinds of things in my notes app. I have hashtag lists and lists of things I need from Publix and Costco. Because I’m over 50, there’s a list of things I need to ask my doctor at my next appointment but also a list of recipes I want to cook this week. I have poems and quotes and prayers that are especially meaningful to me. And there was a time not so long ago, when I wrote these blog posts in the notes app as I was sitting in car line waiting on my kid to get out of school.

So the list of possible titles is just one more item in a long list of notes app lists. What does it hurt to have one more list in that bunch? It doesn’t take up much room and it makes me feel like I’m holding on to something worthwhile.

Secret garden of possibilities

I like to think of this particular list as a starting point for when I’m struggling to generate ideas. I might not use anything on the list but just reading it feels good and reminds me of the good juju of works with particularly resonant titles that I looked at long ago. It reminds me that resonant is always something to strive for, that evocative is possible. Even knowing I’m not going to hit on the perfect thing every single time, there’s still good reasons to attempt it.

It’s a different kind of possibility list. I think visually but words can always jump start that. I’ve been kicking around one particular idea for a while now and I actually reverse engineered the piece from a phrase where I shoved two unlikely words together. (Yes, I know this is kinda vague booking but I’m not sharing this just yet because I’m still thinking about how exactly I’m going to execute it. Hint: it involves more sticks!)

No joke

I used to struggle with titling my work. I’d fumble around at the end of the process trying to find something that fit the work and was maybe a little bit quippy and made me feel clever. I often wanted a joke that would make the piece a little more accessible or maybe soften the harsh reality of whatever I was trying to say. I’m less prone to do that these days. I’m leaning into my “let them choke” era.¹

A lot of women are conditioned to minimize and soften their contributions. I know I certainly was. Not by any one person or event but just by the way the world works on scale for women. I’m trying to unlearn it. And learning to not be flip or make a joke out of my work is part of that. I AM soft and I do like jokes but doing those things every time makes my work feel less than and I am done with that. My work is important to me. It means something to me and to others. I don’t need to cheapen it with jokes. Unless the joke is helping make the point and the point is busy skewering patriarchy.

This list reminds me that I am allowed be serious about my work. That having serious words often underscores the serious meaning I’m making with the work. It’s a different, harder way to take myself seriously as an artist and I’m having to cultivate it.

Why am I telling you this?

I was thinking about deleting the list the other day. I’ve been on a bit of a digital clean up kick and was looking through my notes app to see if there were things I should release back to the universe. It struck me that this list is important. For these reasons I’ve talked about above but then, of course, I thought about you, here, reading my blog. You deserve to take yourself seriously as well. And if my post on a list I don’t even really use can help you take yourself more seriously as an artist then I didn’t want to miss that moment.

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1. “Stop breaking yourself down into bite-sized pieces. Stay whole and let them choke.” ― Florence Given, Women Don’t Owe You Pretty ↩︎