Discouragement

In some journaling I did recently I was working through the differences between disappointment and discouragement in my life. And through that writing I realized that over the past 8-12 months I’ve been sitting in a bucket of discouragement with my art practice. Before my writing session I hadn’t been able to put my finger on what my problem was. I knew I was slumping and my art practice was feeling pretty listless but I was struggling to articulate it.

The background

I put a lot of eggs in one basket. I was counting on some direction I got from someone and when I struggled to move forward creatively after that direction, I got stuck. Lemme tell you I am discovering that I DO NOT do well with authority, especially from dudes. Y’all check me next time when I start talking about taking direction that I’m getting it from a creative woman. My art practice is never gonna look like a man’s practice and trying to make it so is beyond dumb on my part.

So I was stuck and discouraged and working to figure it out but still making art. I’ve made art over the past year but mostly in books and almost exclusively small things. I’m not doubting that path. I think small work is better than no work. Any work is better than no work. But there was just this underlying question for me all the time of “what am I even doing right now?”

Writing about it made me realize too that I have recently come out of that feeling. So of course I started trying to figure out what changed. Because everything I can articulate about how my practice works is fuel for understanding future detours.

What changed?

My goals this year have been really energizing for me. I think that has created some momentum in my practice recently. I’ve been intentional about connecting with other creatives. I set myself some goals for shows. I’ve been logging my creative activities in a dedicated journal. And the things I’ve listed are things I can quantify and accomplish. “Make more art” is certainly a worthy goal but very hard to quantify. There’s too much room for interpretation so it’s easy for it to get mushy. Lastly having some successes so early in this calendar year has helped me feel less discouraged.

I was asked to work as a moderator for a group and that’s been energizing in a way I wasn’t expecting. Brainstorming with that crew has been a lot of fun and it lets me practice some skills I wasn’t using much. So much of my work is solitary. Figuring out community has been an ongoing challenge. This has been an unexpectedly fun piece of that pie.

My cutie puppy is also getting older and becoming more integrated in our household. She’s almost eight months old now. Yay! But I am certainly not discounting her arrival in our lives as part of my overall discouragement. It’s hard to focus when you are caring for a newborn and oh boy, had I forgotten that fact since my human kids are mostly grown. Not being able to put more than 10 minutes on any given task because I’m trying to figure out what the dog is into is no small thing. I’m pleased with how she’s coming along and I have high hopes she will become a dedicated studio dog like my older dog.

And you know what? Sometimes a slump is just over. And maybe it was just time for this one to pass. I kept showing up and plugging away and I made it through it. Some days not quitting is the biggest win.

Where are you discouraged? Are you feeling it? I hope you aren’t. Catch up with me on socials, email me, or go old school and leave a comment on this post to be immortalized for all of time.

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